We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
