The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
