T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
