I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
