I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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