I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
