Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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