let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
