Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
