Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
