i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
