I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
