I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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