We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
