Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
