I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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