Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have aggressive nipples.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
