Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
