I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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