Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Panties = found
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
