I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
vagina is talking i cant
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
