I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
