in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
