if only i could text you this smell
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
