Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Houston, we have a blender
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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