he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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