How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
