went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
