I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
