ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
