Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
