So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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