Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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