we have pet lesbian snakes
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
