i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
