You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
