I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
