is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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