the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
