I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
