i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i think my cat just said my name.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
