:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
