just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
