I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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