I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
