I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
