so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
