You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
