i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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