i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
