Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
